Aww!!! Where there is a will, there is a way! Have you, also developed feelings?

I think I may have but I don't know for sure. He's just a really cool guy and also attractive in his blue collar worker kind of way that I like. And maybe it's my anxiety but my heart starts racing every-time he logs on.

What are you doing to reach that goal, of eventually meeting him, when you feel ready to? It takes time to get a passport, well, not eternity, but a couple of hundred, dollars wise. And the time it takes to save that up, you can start slow and work on your physical self. And, is he, at all aware of anything about mental health? Does he know what you cope with, on a daily basis?

My there is something wrong with me but I can't seem to be able to get any part-time work at all. NO work exp doing anything so I'm kinda stuck. I am with a few different temp agencies to get work here and there but most of it's eaten away for a bus pass. I don't think it is wise to tell him anything about my mental health so I leave that out. Still have to put my best foot forward, no?

OK, sometimes, fear holds us back. Have you talked about any of these things, with him? Causally mentioned, perhaps, not being happy with your figure, at the moment, or slipped into a conversation desire to lose weight? And if so, what was his reaction?

About my weight I really have no idea how to even get started. I have been fat for so I wouldn't know what to do even with the wealth of information online.

He knows I am unhappy and understand how I feel because he too battled with being obese. He even joked once that when we get married I can get as fat as I want and still want to make love to me.

Still I just can't meet him while I am this big I just cannot. I can do chubby but not obese. Seen the last girl he was in love with she was such a cutie I almost fell in love with her myself.

Sometimes, what's inside, still shines outside. I feel, it's great to read the realism in this post. Real, because you've acknowledged fear of the fantasy effect of meeting online, and fear of the fantasy effect of actually meeting in person.

You haven't been dishonest with him, have you?!