For 3 weeks, I had been waking up on 2hrs of sleep with a numbed face, tachycardia (racing heart), and muscle spasms in my head that wouldn't ever cease. The first few times this happened, I was tense and on high alert, falling into panic attacks, and calling the paramedics over (4 separate times) to check on me; while at the same time angering my family (the inevitable backlash), which developed a new form of PTSD, and tore an eternal rift with those I thought would be most understanding of my predicament. Never before have I experienced greater amounts of misunderstanding and lack of money all at once.

Luckily, a few days ago I saw a neurologist who suspected that I show strong signs for Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and recommended I see a psychiatrist. Life has been Hell up until this realization. If it means that I may finally get to enjoy a better quality of life, I would probably say I just had an epiphany. If so, I've got to make serious changes to myself on the inside and the outside. I've already been through too much to let things stay the same, I will never be content with anything less until I come out of it feeling like a changed man.

I've already started jumping on the treadmill, dusting off the old bike, consuming the right amount of vitamins & minerals, educating myself on sleep; and while I'm starting to feel different in behavior, I still feel chained down at the end of the day--as if doing all this will not help me in the longterm. I am still stuck unemployed and living with my parents in a bedroom/prison/bubble (which anxiety has been allowed to fester for years on end), until I can visit with a psychiatrist a month from now and possibly be given medication, essentially putting a band-aid on the bigger problem. My life is covered in these "band-aids".