Ok im trying to sort out my thoughts of whats bothering me. They are the following. I find it difficult to do stuff and get it done. I dont do as well in school as i could. I worry about leeping my girlfriend happy. I stress about after high school as i may fail everything or not get into anything or not get any jobs. I want a job i like and care so much about the money. I also feel guilty because i dont love my family and feel like a bad person cause i dont. I need a job again so i can afford my booze. Im trying not get addicted to niccotine. I keep fantasizing and dreaming about a future i want but worry because i dont think my family and friends would approve and i am afraid of rejection by everyone. I wish i could show more emotion because i really care about people like my wonderful girlfriend but i suck at expressing it. Also me and my girlfriend are getting much closer snd trying new things. But im kind of afraid that i decieved her and somehow led her to believe im attractive. But under my clothes im an ugly hairy troll. As well im just kind of nervous. And i am optimistic on life. But im very pessimistic and judgemental about people. Im always muttering sarcastic grumpy judgemental nasty comments about people which i dont think are so bad, i find it kind of funny. But my gf doesnt like it and shes kind of right. But i find it so hard to stop. Also my dad is kind of verbally emotionally abusive and i find this hard. I feel bad because i kind of manipulate my mom. Thats all thats been going on. The end.