I am so blissfully happy right now.

I woke up extremely anxious. I felt very sick - racing heart, severe nausea to the point I could barely walk, tight restricted chest and chest pain, slight headache, shaking, teeth chattering and the very familiar feeling of anxiety inside me. I thought for sure that I wouldnt be able to get through this day without seroquel.

I didnt think there was anything triggering this anxiety, I just woke up with it, how could my thoughts or worries have hit me before I was even fully awake? I sat down and made myself do CBT even though I was skeptical it would work. I found the reasons that I was feeling anxious today, the true thoughts that were behind me feeling like that. I worked on them and kept repeating positive affirmations to myself. Every few minutes the anxiety would come back, but I look back over what I had written and used positive self talk/affirmations to get it back under control. It was now mangeable enough to go to work.

At work I have been trying so hard to live in the moment, to be fully involved in what I am doing in that moment and not let my thoughts wander off. Its a constant struggle to start with but I got better and better at it as time went on. When I got zapped by the electric fence my thoughts straight away said "I am stupid" I stopped them in their tracks and took a few moments to take some deep breathes and come back to the moment again. By the end of work I found that I was humming my footy teams song and the anxiety was now excitement about my team being in the final.

Now I am home again with NO anxiety! I did it, I worked at keeping it under control and now it is gone. I dont even really feel tired from constantly battling myself like I do somedays, I just feel great right now. I am so proud of myself for not just giving up and taking meds. I actively made myself feel good - I can do this!