After years of confusion and years of dissassociation. And father 1 day of posting on this board. I remembered. I remembered who abused me. It wasnt the guy from our church. IT was my brother. Just as I had feared and hoped to hide. I dont know what prompted this ressurection of memory. But It was unconscience thought. I just laid down and closed my eyes. And it came to me.... Well Im up now and Ive been crying my eyes out. Crying my heart out. But behind all the tears, I feel a sense of accomplishment.

Yesterday was the first time, I actually told my entire story. But if you read it, you would know that I was confused about who my abuser was. And the irony of it all is that I told it to "strangers". I opened up to complete strangers about what happened to me. And I read all of your posts and replies about the subject. But I never thought that I could remember b/c I didnt think I was strong enough to handle that.

I remembered, and it makes me mad and angry. In fact, my shirt is wet and I can hardly see what I'm typing b/c my eyes are clogged up with tears. But It came to me....

It came to me.... thanks to finally being able to tell my story and my experience. I guess that was all I needed to do. I know I sound strong and ready to fight this. But Im really just so weak right now. .. I wanna just fade away. But before I do, I wanna thank you all for allowing me to finally tell my story...thank you so much...so verry verry much