I hate that I'm so stupid and clumsy. Today I dropped a bottle of soda and it spilled all over the floor.

Why am I so stupid?

I've had people in the past get frustrated with me because I make so many mistakes. Eventually they accuse me of being stupid on purpose -- I must be because anyone else would have learned from her mistakes and avoid repeating them, but I keep repeating the same mistakes and get the same criticism.

"How could you be so stupid and careless? Why aren't you trying harder? Stop crying. You have no right to cry because if you hadn't been so stupid, none of this would have happened."

Even my parents, who, while well meaning, agree that if I were more careful and if I paid more attention, I wouldn't keep making the same mistakes.

I know they're right. It's not like they're expecting me to have superhuman powers; they just want me to put in a little effort so I can function in real life. I want that too.

But I guess I don't want it enough, because if I did truly want it, I wouldn't make so many stupid mistakes.

I'm just so tired of always being blamed and scolded and criticized. I'm tired of failing.