Here's where I am right now. I'm done. I've had a few weeks of hell, slept very little and erratically, called the crisis number twice this week. Feeling suicidal. Nothing seems real anymore, everything is an illusion. I want to go back home - this planet is not home. I'm done with the struggle. I haven't taken my meds today because they haven't been working anyway. Will call the crisis line again in a bit and tell them all of this and how sick I am of living with this nonsense - perhaps I'm anxious of what might come of the phonecall but if I do nothing I'll end up in a gutter somewhere.