Quote:
Originally Posted by Lovebird
I'm writing my autobiography, and it's bringing a lot of old memories up. That can be either good or bad, but for the most part it's been very therapeutic.
Now, here is a difficult part.
I remember as a teenager having to abide by rules that seemed to me to be very strict, and they still do now even though I am middle-aged. I may tell somebody about how my father used to screen everything we watched and all of the music we listened to, even G-rated moves (like anything rated G is going to be inappropriate for teenagers). He wouldn't let us watch movies or TV shows, or listen to any songs, that he himself didn't like. When I tell about this, most people respond, "Well, that was exactly his job as your parent."
But what I don't seem to be communicating is, number one, screening rated G movies when we were teenagers? Isn't that a little extreme? And number two, he gave his yes or no based not on morality or content, but simply on whether or not he, personally, liked it. Bottom line is that the man didn't believe in "opinion." If he liked it, it was good, and if he didn't like it, it was trash and we weren't allowed to enjoy it ourselves. Do you get what I'm saying here? Which do you agree with, that he was carrying his authority too far, or that he was only doing his job as a parent?
The other situation I can't seem to make people understand is, sometimes my mother would order me to do something I was already going to do anyway, and she didn't get it when I tried to explain that I didn't need to be told. She thought I just didn't want to do it, when that wasn't it at all. For example, once when we were having dinner at another family's house, I decided would show my mother I was capable of thinking for myself, by volunteering to do the dishes. But she didn't give me a chance to volunteer. Before the meal had ended, she TOLD me I was going to do the dishes. I tried to explain that I wanted to do them of my own accord, but she wouldn't let me get a word in. "Now, no arguing, young lady. You do as you're told!" Even the hostess felt guilty and thanked me for doing the dishes although I "didn't want to," and that almost made me scream in frustration. I was not communicating that I didn't mind doing the dishes. I only wanted to be given credit for knowing the right thing to do, rather than just being a good little girl obeying her mommy. But most people, when I talk about this incident, don't see a problem. "Well, when you're 15, you do what your mother tells you, and that's that."
Can anyone understand me here?
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Sounds like you felt unheard in your family of origin. And, no, I don't completely believe it was generational, or anything to that nature. I do get, some families, children were(are) seen, but not heard, at the same time, there's been numerous families, through generations, where there has and continues to be communication amongst parent(s) and child(ren) and it fosters a sense of independent growth of the child, into adulthood. Does sound like your father may have taken his position of power, as the man of the home, to dictate what, where, how things will be watched and seen. I get that not everything, is appropriate for every family, but a little flexibility, goes a long, long way.
Children, who have grown up in uber strict/highly controlled home lives, sometimes, have a tendency to have troubles down the road.
So, yes, I feel I have an idea/comprehension of what you are trying to point out. No, I don't believe that this is the 'only' way that things were, and it is a bit disheartening to realize, that those around you, that you've been trying to articulate this to, have minimized your reality, in a way, invalidating your reality(hmmmm, much like your mom didn't let you express your own desire to help someone else out, she got to play star, instead of letting you shine, and subsequently, could have made her shine more than she 'did')
