Sounds like you want to reach a place in your life, before taking such a leap, as meeting in person. I can respect that

Yes, when I am 80 pounds smaller ( I am 240 and don't mind being chubby) and at least have a steady part-time job. Then I could be at least a little bit comfortable meeting him.

I agree, about putting a best foot forward, so to speak, sometimes, all that's necessary is to be open an honest, in the moment, and let your words and actions speak for themselves, instead of bringing a label to the foreground. I asked, simply, because, if mental health was something he was also interested in knowing more about, for his own interests, then it's much easier to discuss, mental health on a personal level. Not to 'hide', per se, from reality, just there's ways around labels and sometimes, labels can be misleading and not truly define who we are, as people.

For instance, instead of saying, I sometimes battle depression and anxiety(which those labels, can mean many different things to many different people), I can say, that sometimes, I get a little stressed about xyz(as far as discussing anxiety), or sometimes I get really melancholic around certain anniversary dates of my deceased mom.(when describing depression). It's honest, and doesn't shove a label, in other people's face.

Wow. You are really smart Healing4Me. I agree with what you are saying but talking about mental health with him would be a big NO NO. I can't discuss that with him, even though he's been through all of it-worser even. It'll just make me seem like a whiny B.

The workforce, is a tough one, to get into, really hope you find something!

I really hope so too. I lied so many times to him saying someone has finally given worthless ol' me a job. Then broke down and told him I lied cause felt so bad. I don't want him thinking I aint doing nothing but don't see anyone hiring me for part-time in the future- AT ALL.

AM I that unqualified to do menial labor?

And it's good to know, that he finds big beautiful, and I hope you find the beauty in yourself, as well

Not until this weight is off. Their is nothing "beautiful" about what I am.
He tells me that he wants to be with me-only me cuz I the only one who hasn't run away from the real him and will love me regardless of what I think about myself.

I just can't see what he sees until I am skinny. It's bad enough I had so many years to get rid of this disgusting fat he would think it is OK to see me like this. NO WAY!

Who knows, sometimes, the long term things, are worth the wait. Has he mentioned, desiring to come and see you?

I am afraid to ask him about wanting to see me. He could probably have lost interest. But don't want him to also until I am pretty enough. It's probably selfish but I can't be the ugly fat black friend or girlfriend of his.