Thank you for the replies! I'm glad you don't think I'm crazy or anything.

Cyclowolf: Trying different things here huh? Yeah, I feel like i haven't found what I'm meant for here. I guess it's the only way.

arachnophobia.kid: yeah I'm Catholic. Actually it's because of this religious belief that I want to do this as well, because I believe. My family is also in this religion but my dad isn't, and fights always happen when he gets drunk, and people at church my age are friendly, but i'm always left out and they have their own friends (even as a kid), so I'm always with the adults. I love God, but I just don't feel like praying as a community when people make me feel alone there. I'd rather be alone. But I guess that's not a nice thing to say if you want to go to Heaven.

Yeah I know I do enjoy stuff, but they all seem so useless to this world, like...they don't contribute much to society, and it seems like I have to contribute something. I like reading and jogging and listening to music. Along with some arts and crafts, and I've always wished to write music and play an instrument.

Gus1234U: Yeah...I think you're the closest to the mark here. I want to be better and mindful of my presence everywhere, but it doesn't seem to, as mentioned above for arachnophobia.kid, doesn't seem to contribute much to society.

Thunder Bow: Hm..food for thought. Thanks!