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Well... I wanted to stab myself in the eyes repeatedly trying to infer the meaning of that emotional outpour rife with poor punctuation & absolutely no formatting separating one thought from the next. But for what it's worth, I think that we all go through [at least once] what you're going through now. Cognitive dissonance, disparity between who we think we are vs. who we are told we are. But just as you said, you've been this way for 40 years, what's a little more? You've been through enough... Pattern dictates that you'll survive this.
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