Thank you all for your insights.
I've been talking about all of these things for the last year with my T. I would advise others to look before you leap.
What I want is resolve,... whatever that is.
I hear people say that if you talk about the hard things in therapy, you will grow. I assumed growth was good. Silly me.
Is real growth constant emotional pain?
This is unhealthy. I want to be happy and free again.
Twinks