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I've been found out 3 or 4 times in the last year on what I've done. I was only found out because I got lazy covering my tracks -- not real-life relationships, though. I prefer to be able to cut the connection easily when I'm done... But after the last 3 months I've been completely behaved. Deprived. And it is driving me absolutely batshit insane!
I'm used to freedom. I'm used to having small bite-sized morsels of fulfillment wherever I go & I cannot handle being confined. I can most easily let my hair down & open up to someone who idolizes me. Admires me. And someone I can throw away. So this **** of having no one anymore? This **** of having to wait patiently for therapy visits every 2 weeks only to feel like nothing has gotten done?
I'm in a very unique state of fury right now. And no one seems to ****ing get it.
Of course everyone relates to the victim... They're all ****ing victims! "They never asked for it." But I'm the one who is struggling. Having to control every thought & action. Being reminded daily of how I ****ed up & the potential for the same in the future. It's enough to drive me insane, if I weren't already.
I would have left normally. But I do love him & have already expended so much effort/time. If he didn't solely support me & already provide me such a long leash as it was. But it's maddening & I feel like I'm about to explode. And there is no one that gets it... And isolation is awful fodder to add to the flame.
Last edited by Anonymous100180; Sep 27, 2013 at 11:52 PM.
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