Thank you so much for responding. I thought no one cared. It is so raw, this hurting. It hurts to the very core of my soul. I have told my T some things, other things I had to write down for him. He saw how hard it was for me to tell. I would tell him I had something to say and then just shut down. He asked if I wanted to write it. So I did. In a way. Not very direct. There are some words I cannot say or write. He sort of had to interpret it and ask questions. He's angry at my father. He wants my father to suffer in prison and it is too late for that. Thank you for telling me about the oral rape. I thought I wasn't raped so what did happen to me didn't matter. Like it was nothing, you know? I kept thinking, why do I hurt so much if it doesn't matter?? Maybe. Maybe I matter at least a little bit. The pain goes so deep, you know?