Thanks for the kind words and advice. I know you are right- I should not even be thinking about children and all that right now because the focus should be, above all else, myself right now. I may always deal with anxiety- but with how it's been lately, I would not make the most stable mother unfortunately. Not to mention the biggest aspect- my husband and I just completely are not ready. I know everyone always says, "NO ONE is ever ready for kids" but at this point we love our freedom and spending lots of time with each other and friends. WIth all that being said, the thought of children pops into my head throughout the day just because it is one of my "anxiety- inducing" thoughts and it freaks me out. Need to work on my self-talk with that topic. I want to feel like it is a choice to not have kids right now (because it is) and NOT feel like it is a punishment for what I did or because my husband and I are not in a "good place" or are "weird" like I worry my family thinks.

I know a lot of that was sort of jumbled- but when I try to talk a lot of this stuff out lately, it tends to come out like that.

And I know I will get through this- thanks for the support- with therapy and meds if I do need them, and mostly, learning to really love myself again.

Thanks for sharing your situation with me and take care of yourself as well. I can't even imagine having two children at our age on top of everything else. If you ever need to talk, PM me.