I have not asked for my diagnosis. I sought treatment for depression and anxiety. I can experience both several times or more a day, have a calm peaceful day once in a while. I think my diagnosis would be some kind of personality disorder based on quizzes I've taken and that medications for depression or bipolar or anxiety or depression & anxiety did not bring consistent relief. I am now seeing a psychologist for psychodynamic therapy and I think this is what I need. I know it is what I want.

So, if I am right then meds aren't helpful. It will be a long haul from what I've read. That is okay with me as I am lucky to have private insurance and I am committed to paying for it myself if necessary. It is what I wish to invest what little extra money I have in right now.

It scares me that the things that scare me are the things I have to face and find new perceptions for. I am new (several months) to this therapy and it has been quite an adjustment for me. I trust the therapist and like her a lot. I've had to call her several times after sessions, which I never did before because there was never that option; I feel so immature when I do that, but I am usually very distressed and I need to hear her voice to calm down. She is very supportive and when I apologized this past week for calling (3rd time) she was very non-judgemental, very matter-of-fact that she is perfectly fine with it and said twice that she doesn't mind. I love her for that, but will still try to not have to call her. She even gives her cell phone number on her office phone's answering machine. Many times I just call the office number, listen to her voice on the recorded message, and that is enough to help me feel calmer and safe again. I told her I do that and that was okay too. I feel funny about it, but I am doing my best to be totally honest with her because I am so serious about making this work. I have been in therapy several times before but did not understand the process or the importance of total honesty, even about the embarrassing things. (a good site for understanding the therapy process is www.guidetopsychology.com , particularly the question and answer section).

So things are going well for me, but sometimes I wish for a simpler diagnosis, even though I realize I am diagnosing myself here. Am I wishing for that because I think it would make it easier to get better? I don't know. Somehow a personality disorder seems more of a stigma to me, that I failed to mature or something. There is some bit of shame attached to it that hangs out at the edge of my thoughts sometimes.

Do you ever with for a different diagnosis?

How is your therapy going? What are important things to let the therapist know about?

Thanks for listening to me and for any replies!

ECHOES