Candybear, I don't like the term either. I don't feel like I have survived because that implies 'happily ever after' or something, to me. I have just got by, is all. Now I want more.

My psychologist also has said that to me. She also has said 'boy, thank goodness THAT'S over!'. She mentioned some event where victims go and publicy hang an item of clothing on a clothes line to signify their survival. It didn't at all sound like something I would ever want to do. Mostly I did not respond when she said those things I mentioned because I don't feel that way. And then, I realized she might have been saying that to see how I would respond... how I do feel. So I told her I didn't feel like a survivor, and it doesn't seem 'over' when it still haunts me. I think that is what she wanted to know about. So now that is where we are...talking about how 'then' affects 'now', how to put distance between 'then' and 'now; so now can be enjoyed. I have many good experiences now, but can't enjoy them, feel the goodness. Our work is on my 'staying in the here and now, the present' and being aware of when the past is interfering wth and overshadowing the present, and how to deal with that. I am just beginning.

So, let her know what you think about what she is saying; it will help her understand where you are and how you feel.

Surviving is not where I want to be. Living with joy again is where I want to be.

ECHOES