I had another incident later tonight that made me quite litterally run out a door into the night away from people.

I am in the processes of training for women't mma fighting and a lot of the time a friend of mine that is coaching me right now can be really hard on me with my fighting since I am a newbie but he does not always seem to remember.

That I am a boarderline personality.....I take nearly all things that all people say to me to heart.

and so hearing his judgments on me fighting even play fighting when I feel personally like I am doing better is hard for me to hear.

But I keep reminding myself that, I am feeling down and depressed about things, but for as much as I have felt depressed I have done a good job of not letting it show. I literally verbally made myself not break down into tears and cry, cause I was tired of crying over things.

between him and I, or letting things get to me to the point I want to cry. One of the main reasons I train for mma and do lots of sports, is because I want to over come my past as a rape victim I view myself as weak due to that and due to my mental health issues and I want to be stronger.

And even when I feel weak like I did tonight I was actually, being strong, yes I was depressed but I was not letting my emotions get the better of me I took time away from the situation, and I meditated outside for a lil while and did some intense workout stuff...and it took my stress away and made things better.