Hi! (((Zwang))) I am a beginner at OCD and intrusive thoughts, but, I do know that learning now how to control them is vital to recapturing control of my life and helping my loved ones feel less concerned. I also ruminate, stress, and become agitated and it is very embarassing now to realize how it has affected my behaviour socially, privately (with family), and professionally. I know how much this can hurt you. Try to be patient with yourself and reassure yourself that this is medical and not a personal choice of yours and there is no need for shame or guilt if you are trying to take steps to balance your thought patterns again. Your feelings simply nidicate that you have a conscience and that proves you are a good person Zwang. Don't be too hard on yourself. Try to be patient and take the baby steps the therapist suggests and if you have any difficulties, the therapists appreciate the attempt and communication, even f you find you can't complete it.