I think you are both anxious and excited. That's why you feel out of control, exposed and worried about your mood. That said BP triggers are also when big events happen, so make sure you have lots of support. I think given time you will feel less exposed and enjoy your new home. You've been excited about this for a long time. I really don't think you can know if you are doing the right thing but you have to trust yourself to take a leap of faith some times. Is there any way you can dedicate part of you new home to a small garden so that you don't have to use the farmers market as much?