Sara,
Can you talk to doc. about getting some relaxing drugs - during the procedure? I'm not talking about taking them on your own - just with the permission of your doc - you would need to have a driver because of the medication. Some times you can call and talk to the doctor's nurse before the procedure - explain the problem - that is an easier way of getting the message to the doc without talking to him directly. I couldn't tell if the gyn exam was in the hospital.... There are different female docs - the experience isn't all the same. If you find one that empathic and has a gentle sense of humor - real cloth gowns.... it is never easy but it does get better. Some women bring their best friends to the gyn exam and they get a humor thing going or just simply hand holding hels alot.
Unfortunately, I've had alot of experience in this area of being uncomfortable with docs. I have a female physician that I am comfortable with - and since I have stuck with her for about 8 years - it has become a comfortable situation. She has that laid back, tell me anything type of sense of humor. So if I needed relaxing meds to get me thru the exam she would do that too - again the driver afterwards.

I kinda got from your post that this problem was all very unexpected - that in itself makes it more invasive. So once you get the current situation under control - try finding the doc that can work around your fears to get you the medical care you need.They are out there.
I had 5 operations before I was 21 - if you want you can PM anytime.

Sincerely,
freewill