Hi. Why don't you get better pain meds so you don't have to take so many? I have a bad back and used to take heaps of codeine to cope with the pain. Now I'm on morphine and only have to take 2 a day.
I understand what you mean by shaming yourself on here to try to change your behaviour. I have a thing with confessing my bad behaviours to others because if it's said out loud to someone else, then it's real and has to be dealt with now. If that's what you need to do to get you to change then you should open up and talk on here more often. We won't judge you or think poorly of you. We can all relate and we all care and want you to feel better about yourself.
Anyway, good luck, take care and keep us posted about your progress and any developments. Thanks for sharing.