Maybe I didn't explain myself well. No way did I mean that we're supposed to ask the Lord to DO things for us and us just sit back and wait. That doesn't work! LOL I know we have to do our part.

What I was speaking about was not worrying about something we can't do anything about; like waiting for medical tests results, if they come back negative, not driving ourselves into a frazzle with worry but rather wait upon the Lord to carry us through the illness, to know you're out of money for the month and know that you've done everything you can do but know that God will get you through one way or the other. Like my family situation. I've finally stopped trying to do anything about fixing it because everything I did came out wrong. I refuse to think about it, too, for the most part because it only hurts but doesn't change. I've half-heartedly told God that the whole situation is in His hands. I won't get in His way anymore. But I still hold resentments and I know that I am right. The only thing I can maybe say that I've done wrong is write about it here. When I take a long, hard look at it, it wasn't wrong. What was wrong was that my privacy was violated.

It still feels to me that *I* should be the one doing something about it, but I've done everything I know how. It's not up to me anymore. BUT, I don't trust God to do anything, either. I stue and fret, I get angry, I cry, I miss those grandkids. If I had truly laid my burden at the cross, I wouldn't have those feelings. I'd be able to trust in the Lord and let Him work it out.

The same with my recent illness. I panicked for days! I'd pray, "Please, God! I'm not ready to die, yet! Don't let me lose my mind yet!" But I was still panicked. I didn't trust in God to work things out for the best. The medical tests still haven't been scheduled. I still don't know if there was any brain damage and what my chances are. Am I praying and trusting? No! I'm worrying. I keep leaving messages for the doctor. I even wrote her a letter! I didn't leave my burden at the cross.

I hope I didn't confuse you. Don't know how better to explain it, though.