Quote:
Originally Posted by innocentjoy
I am starting to recover memories, but nothing I have so far is an absolutely horrible, past more common levels of abuse. I say this because my abuser had many victims, and I am the only one who developed a dissociative disorder as a result.
I am aware of the debate surrounding the level of abuse/traum that needs to happen in order for a person to split in the first place. I just don't know how I fit in. I was extremely young, and either didn't know to tell other people, or when I did tell them they didn't understand or help. I've heard people talk about the "aloneness" of a child as a factor in their ability to cope with trauma.
I also know that part of being a survivor of abuse, and someone with a dissociative disorder, includes not being able to validate your experience. However, I sometimes wonder whether I'm just imagining it all, even when those around me confirm that I change completely depending on which part of me is in control. I sometimes wonder if it is just some amazingly vivid imaginary game I've just perfected over the years. At times it feels so real and at other times I feel like a fraud.
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innocentjoy I know its hard sometimes to figure out what dissociation is, its many levels, what causes what ...
the short version is dissociation by itself is a normal reaction to anything a person finds to be overwhelming, either on a conscious or unconscious level of thinking.
example today when I poured my cup of coffee, I was so deep in thought about something last night, that I did not realize my mug was full and coffee was running all over the counter top. I did not hear my wife walk up to me, my next aware moment was my wife taking the coffee out of my hands and telling me everything will work out ok. that was just a normal dissociative moment due to stress that can happen to anyone regardless of if they have a dissociative disorder or not. people normally do space off, go into their thoughts daydreaming or what have you when they cant handle any types of emotions/situations/events.
each person even relatives have their own things that bother them....example cold bothers me where as hot weather bothers my sister, my wife loves artichoke where as I gag on it, I have a fear of darkness and my wife does not. ....my point is every single person has their own things that bother them. and in turn everyone has their own ways in which they handle those things that bother them.
when I was abused long term and so were a few other neighborhood children. Out of 5 of us only two of us became DID because we were the ones that internalized by utilizing our dissociation skills as a coping mechanism. One committed suicide, one became eating disordered because food was her way of coping with the abuse, and the last one became a self injurer because cutting her self was how she coped with abuse.
my point is, its not whether one person is abused /traumatized more than another or what level of abuse/trauma is going on. its what that persons coping skills are and how they perceive the trauma they are going through.