Hi. You may have Borderline Personality Disorder. A lot of what you describe sounds like BPD. I'm pretty sure there is a BPD forum you can check out. You didn't describe enough to indicate bipolar, but you never know. You should get a professional opinion. If you are BP, you need the right meds and good therapy. If you do have BPD you need a good psychologist, counselling and something like DBT training. Good luck and take care. Keep us informed on your progress and any other developments.