wow, I went through something so similar. I don't know what to say to you but be upfront about your feelings with her and if she is ever negative with you you will know she is not right for you. Some of the ways I worked through this was to make sure she was still there even if I couldn't see her. That made her permanent. She always responded kindly and helped when I was afraid of abandonment. Her consistency helped me to feel safe that she was there for me. It took a long time but it was worth it. I wonder if I had grown up attachment disorder to go with everything. Just keep talking about it. I don't have pain about if she is there or not now. I just appreciate that she is there and we have gotten a lot of work done.

I hope this helps.