I hope that one day therapy will help. I also felt like you in respect to therapy, today was the actual first time in 4 yrs that I feel like today was productive, (with the same T). It hasn't been easy to stick with it either! I can't count on fingers and toes how many times I wanted to quit-better yet fire my T. doesn't everyone?

As for the cutting...I've only done this a handful of times. The first time I felt the comfort of it was in the hospital! Funny, everything was taken away from me except for one item that they didn't take. (Which, just in case I won't mention), I was only in for a week but there came a time where I just needed to do something and didn't want to talk to anyone. I found myself alone for a longer than normal period of time...I was thinking and got myself worked up. In the end I cut my leg. I felt much better and no one knew...I never did tell anyone. Until months later at home I was having a really bad night. I was trying to reach out to my T but he just didn't get it and I just got lost in my head. So I stared cutting. Afterwords I felt so much better. Next session, I told my T. He said that it was a rush because of the endorphins that get released by finding a way to divert the pain.
It's only temporary and doesn't last. Please don't think that I'm mentioning any of this to condone the practice. After that time, which was many many months ago, I haven't done it since. I still have my Demons to deal with but decided best not to take on another.
Please take good care! I know it's hard...very hard!