Thanks. I know what dissociation, and the levels of it. It is just hard for me to go from, I needed to not feel the emotions/pain caused by the abuse to I need to create another person to feel that, and then another and so forth. I realize that once you are able to do something, especially something that is so effective, it is easier to replicate it. And I know that there were many different stress/abuse situations, starting from when I was a toddler. However, because of the dissociation, I still don't connect with that part, and so I tend to feel lost, not knowing what led me to that solution. I think also, because of the way I was treated when I switched my entire life, I tend to see myself as overly sensitive, dramatic, self-centred, etc. When I think of my parts, I see that in NONE of them, however I know most of us still have that belief that we just make too big of a deal about everything. Something I am working on
But I do appreciate the support and the kind suggestions to focus on the more important parts of my diagnosis, as opposed to looking for another way to make it all my fault, and compare. Hugs, IJ