Big big hugs, your post made me teary... you said it all so well. I can see how much you love her and the sadness and disbelief about her leaving. I went through it too, cried every night before and after her leaving. I know you feel like shutting down, but please try your best to let her see your hurt and pain. This is the best way you can cherish your time together... be your realest self, feel the love and reveal your pain, if you feel like it's safe. It's OK to cry and let it out! I understand...hugs to you.