Quote:
Originally Posted by MotownJohnny
I have been posting here a lot in the two months since I found this place. When I read my own posts, I realize just how far I've fallen from the man I aspired to be, even though I never got all that close in the best of times. I guess desperation does that, depression, anxiety, and despair.
I turned last year to psychiatry because I wanted help and relief from my problems. I very much felt that I was treated extremely unfairly, like it was a criminal, dangerous, incapable of knowing what was in my own best interest. I needed kindly, gentle reassurance, but I got the iron fist and "tough love" without the love.
As a result, I've lied, I've covered things up, I've done acts of questionable nature, and I have generally become the crazy I feared becoming. My entire last 13 months have been about trying to fix the damage caused by seeking professional help and having it blow up in my face. Not even close to fixing it. And I hate myself more than ever.
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I think at the beginning of treatment it does seem as if they are using tough love whereas I think this works in some cases in others you for example who are obviously sensitive it seems a bit harsh - but maybe in order to move forward you have to look at yourself in your entirety in order to progress. Try not to take it too personally which I know is easier said than done. The very fact that you have both insight and compassion is in your favor, you are also probably rebelling to the help as some sort of defense mechanisim - But, if the therapy is not working for you - you need to discuss that and find something alternative that does
