The first time I SIed I didnt actually know it was call SI or anything for that matter, I believed it was a normal response. I was like 4 or 5 and took my mom's razor up and down my leg and watched it bleed. I know, you are probably thinking "WTF?" I didnt know really what I was doing at the time and continued doing it throughout my life, it wasnt until middle school (this was in the 90s) that I went on the internet for the first time and saw people did this too. Then I had a name for it and that it was actually a behavior other people did. It was such an ingrain part of my coping for a very long time.

I burned myself with a cigarette once in the hospital and got send to the reallly really locked down unit and saw if I engage in this when in the hospital it will just make the experience all the more horrible and scary. I was where the permanently ill and lost from reality people were.

Best of luck to all of you, each moment is a victory.