I think it is a bit of both. There is some truth in the 'fake it until you make it' notion. We have a choice whether we act from / express our emotions or whether we allow ourself to feel them but act differently. I think there is a lot to be said to being able to feel anxiety and fear and sadness and stuff and being able to act differently (ie confidently) in some situations.

I think that is a skill that gets better with practice.

I think that confidence is a skill that gets better with practice too. I know that when I'm anxious about going to a dinner or something like that I'm much more likely to drop something or spill something or whatever. If I'm feeling confident on the other hand then I'm a bit more spontaneous with the jokes and stuff and I tend not to spill things (though if I do it is easier not to give myself a hard time over it).

I get these automatic thoughts that make it hard for me to feel confident sometimes. I'm getting better as being aware of those unhelpful thoughts and acting different, however. To see them as thoughts and nothing more. Not beliefs, not truths, just thoughts that I've internalised from somewhere along the line...

Some people do seem to be naturally confident. I think that some people are more naturally extroverted while other people are more naturally introverted. I also think that the way our parents reinforce our behaviour and the way our friends reinforce our behaviour has a significant impact on how confident we are in social settings later in life. That being said it is never too late to change with lots of practice.

That being said... I'm trying to figure out the balance between my taking more risks (I'm very introverted by nature)... But taking more risks and going out to more things and being more social and accepting that I'm simply not as extroverted as other people in the world and sometimes I'd rather be by myself reading or something like that.

Sometimes I push myself... But sometimes I accept myself too...

I think practice helps a whole heap but I know I'll never be a diplomat!

(I think they are chosen partly because of their good language skills for wherever they are being a diplomat and also for their ability to socially smooth etc. I mean... They are representing their country and so it is important that they are a smooth (and diplomatic) representative.)

But such skills can be learned... Though in times of stress people often revert...