I'm really new to this, so please bear with me. The thing i hate most about depression, and there are oh so many, is it's ability to make me act completely out of my mind. When I get like I am right now, I can see the way i'm treating people around me, I can see how irrational i'm being and how *****y and miserable and how i'm taking out all my misery on them, and it's like i'm on the inside of a glass room looking out on all of it and i'm screaming at myself to stop and I don't. I just keep going with all of it. Then when I finally calm down, and that moment passes, I feel the shame. The shame of having acted in such a horrible manner. and the repercussions of said actions. The fear, that I've pushed away those who are most important to me. Last night, I'm pretty sure I pushed away the one person I could have spent my life with. For the stupidest reason, I took a little comment and blew it completely out of proportion and now he won't have anything to do with me. I am an idiot, and what's worse is I let the depression win.