Thanks to all of you who have posted with your sage advice and caring words.

Things are a little better today, although I'm sort of ashamed to confess that I've slept 15 hours thanks to taking Ativan on top of my nighttime med cocktail last night. Actually, I took 5 mg. of Ativan. I just wanted to feel NUMB for a little while. I didn't OD, it wasn't an attempt to self-harm, I just wanted not to feel for one night.

Scared the hell out of my husband. For some reason I told him what I'd done, so he was awake most of the time watching me like he used to back in my drinking days, as if he was afraid I'd stop breathing. He also called our oldest daughter to let her know, and she called the younger son to let HIM know.

Now they've threatened to take my meds away from me if I ever do it again. I know I shouldn't have done it, but they worry too much.....I've been sober for almost 22 years and this is the very FIRST time I've self-medicated. It was just 5 Ativan tablets, hardly enough to do anything but make you sleep and then be a little hung over the next day. I won't do it again.

And gee, just when I thought I'd have to cancel next week's pdoc appointment because I didn't have anything to talk about......