Have you considered a twelve step group like AA, CA, NA, or EA(Emotions Anonymous.)? I mention these groups because there are people who may have endured similar situations as you by sharing common bonds via the behaviours, emotions, and feelings that can occur from use of substances or emotions. For some people, 12 step programs are ideal to provide them with a lifetime of support. For others, the fit may not be perfect or close to perfection. These thoughts are just suggestions or "somethings to consider." It is just that the companionship and support from these groups do help people. Take what you like and leave the rest behind. I do hope you find the answers to your situation so that you will come to realize that the emotions and feelings you have share a common bond will those who have travelled in the footprints you have made. Take care.