My father was probably N and used cheating as supply for much of the time he was married to my mother. And I’ve got an N “part” inside but am usually more co-dependent – or is it covert N? I’m not sure. Anyway. . .

He was almost 90 and died of pneumonia but a contributing cause to his death (according to the certificate) was “failure to thrive syndrome.”

Although usually analytical and logical, I “felt” it coming, because his second wife didn’t seem to care. . . maybe she was worn out with him, was probably N or borderline herself. I tried to intervene – didn’t work so well – she wanted her status and her money.

Point being . . . eventually the “game” ends and what we are left with is just life. Sometimes people escape, through a heart attack or accident, etc. But not always.

So why do I care, here? Usual co-dependent trying to “help” the N’s? Maybe.

Whether my dad was capable of love or not, I don’t know. He did validate me (therefore manipulating my affection) when my mother was down on me. But a child loves as a child loves. Unconditionally. That’s what you all deserve – somewhere. Every person deserves it. And my guess is, you have that capacity yourselves, only it got very hurt and hidden. Don’t know if you can find it or not. From my perspective, it’s better than a game. Tough, painful. But real.

Whatever . . . hope you don't mind this post in "your" forum. Let me (or the mods) know and I/they will delete it.