I'm pissed off that my T made me get on the scale in front of her and that she took it and that I let her and made a pledge with her to only get on the scale at her office every week in front of her. I didn't know how I felt about it yesterday after session and throughout the day and night..but between going to sleep and waking up today I have become agitated about it. She made it seem like it was the easiest thing to do..to just get on the scale in front of me and then me get on it in front of her. I just went along with it too...I'm such a passive wimp.
Also all my issues can not be helped that much with praying every single day. I believe in god and I'm spiritual and part of a faith..and so is my T. I know I have gotten away from God...my self harm has become me..and yes I have been praying every day, but I don't believe me praying to be healthy every morning I wake up is going to stop me from eating and vomiting up my food during the day..it hasn't helped stop me yet. I let God down every day. Turning to my higher power is not the only way she is using to help...but prayer has been more prevalent in our sessions, which is good..but yesterday it irritated me. She asked how many times/days I had b/p over the week and then after that she asked how many days had I prayed like we talked about in last week's session. Which I had prayed..not every single day when I woke up like I should have, but I did pray. It just seemed like praying was somehow a direct correlation between me self harming that day and not. I don't know..maybe it is and I'm not really trying. I don't feel as close to God anymore and I want to be. I'm so stubborn though. Always have been. I'm stubborn and pissed off.