Quote:
Originally Posted by feralkittymom
I feel like I want to go in with my head held high to tell her that I'm not going to allow her to have power over me anymore.
This^ is what made me think abuser. It doesn't sound like a simple good-bye. I guess it feels unresolved--as though the hope is that going through this will result in a feeling of closure, rather that it being a presentation of a resolved good-bye.
I remember when I was able to recognize good in my parents. I never had the desire to forgive their abuse, but the feeling when I was able to accept that there was good along side the bad, was very freeing. I couldn't separate from them as long as they existed in my mind only as abusers: the negative attachment was too strong. It was only when I could recognize the positive as well that the bond lessened and I could let it go.
I don't know the situation with your ex-T, but somehow your bond feels a bit similar.
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You're absolutely right that it feels unresolved, and I see how that could very well set me up in a huge way if I tell myself I only want a closure session to say goodbye.
I think a part of what has been so difficult with exT is that I saw good in her all along. It was when I started noticing what felt like her anger, which she relentlessly denied, that I started to wobble. I believed her perception over mine, that I was crazy for thinking she was angry.
And maybe she really wasn't angry. Maybe it was all projection on my part. What really got me though is that she refused to talk with me about it.
Thanks for sharing your experience, FKM. As I'm writing, I recognize that perhaps I want a closure session so that I can reconnect with some of the good that used to be there.