About 1 1/2 hours ago I took 30 mg of Ativan. This might seem like a lot but I have been taking 12 mg daily for a couple of years.

I just wanted to feel numb and stop having flashbacks and easy the overwhelming pain I feel.

So far I don't feel a thing. So I took 50 mg of Benadryl. Still nothing.

I have 8 more mg if Ativan but I don't think they will help me in my quest for numbness.

Now that I am writing this is seems stupid. What can anyone say. I don't want pity, I don't know what I want.

I know it will probably never feel better. I have been talking to a lot of mothers that lost their child to overdose 4 and 5 and 10 years ago. They all say it never gets better !