All I want from life is peace. I don't have any.

I feel like going to a mental hospital so I don't feel so hopeless. That probably sounds bad. I just can't help feeling so alien.

I also feel like killing myself. It's impossible for me to not be anxious around people. It's impossible for people to like me because I'm so full of negativity. It would end my subjective suffering.

I just want peace, but it evades me. I feel powerless. How can I be secure when I'm weak? I have to be positive and secure, but I can't be positive without security and I can't be secure without positivity. I have no security. And I have no positivity. It's a catch-22. It's like negativity and insecurity are part of my personality. I feel as if I'm at my breaking point. My emotions are wild beasts. I hate emotions.