There's nothing to say to take the pain away... I imagine they are right that it doesn't get better. There is no loss worse than losing your child - a parent when you are young - and you had that too. It is not fair, and I'm so sad and sorry what you've been through and are going through.

Please attempt to get better though, all these extra meds could really bog down your system, and zap your energy. Also, I'm always warned how benzo's can actually make you more depressed...

I wish we could give you real hugs.