thanks guys, I know that those well wishes "Should" make me feel better, but sadly they don't. as far as me being in a bad place, I don't know that I am or not, I am 51 yrs old and have been this way since the afore mentioned age of 5. there is no light at the end of the tunnel, and the walls are closing in fast..... I cannot see them but I feel them. (I have always felt this way as far back as I am capable of remembering. I have to try to believe it when someone tells me I am in a bad place, because it is all I have ever known. how do you know if you are depressed, if you have never felt anything else?)

I have more going on coming at me from so many different directions that it is more than one can handle, but what choice do I have? I get out of bed, plod thru another misarible wearing day, go to bed, wash rinse repeat.

I mean "My Goodness"! I don't do forums because I cannot type or spell too well, and yet here I am on one...... (and how many minutes/hours/days until I move on because this diversion will not last? and I go back to my self destructive "I can shoulder my burdens alone, Thank you...." attitude.)

I don't write. and yet here I am having written 2 books for posts! ha ha ha

the following is one of my original writings made back (I cant remember when) rewritten on 2008 and shows where my head is Normally at. every day it gets worse, and worse:

What is Love.....
That it feels soooo GOOD!
What is Love.....
That it hurts so BAD!
What is love.....
That it can give you hopes, dreams, and asperations....
What is Love.....
That it can take those same hopes, dreams, and asperations and throw them off a cliff to shatter below on the rocks of despair!
What is Love.....
That it can promise so much, but deliver so little.
What is Love.....
That it can bring a strong man to his knees.
What is Love.....
That you can know it but never feel it.
What is Love.....
That you can feel it but not know it.
What is love that can drive the whole world out of existance for but a single moment. The answer you seek lies in the forever unknown, because I cannot answer the simple question:
What is Love?

stranger '08

a little poetry for you guys.....