Really not sure of how to begin.

I think my son is suffering from depression, I should know the signs I am bipolar, BPD with alcohol issues.

It has been a steady decline. It started with going into high school. He had a girl friend that he broke up with (his choice) who was replaced by smoking pot. I have had numerous conversations with him about smoking pot and perhaps this is wrong but would have tolerated mild use had it been just the occasional toke.

Slowly the people he used to hang out with have decreased and now I there are a handful of people he hangs out with unfortunately into heavy smoking. He's not a drinker which i thank the heavens for. I've been really open with him about what can happen with prolonged smoking the de-motivation the point at which the highs are no longer and smoking becomes a maintenance business.

My H and I are no angels we tried to explain to him how much of our own life had passed us by because of smoking.

He is a sweet kid but has always been quiet lately I have noticed that he is always tired, has a very upset stomach particularly in the morning. I think he is comparing himself to others unnecessarily for example. "Can we get more protein I need to buff up? "

I'm worried that the subjects he has chosen Math , Chemistry and Physics this semester are just way too much for him as he is failing everything and I have requests from teachers to have meetings. I think he chose these subjects on what he thought he should, comparing himself to other students not on what his strengths are.

When we have encountered a difficulty like math I have tried to find him a tutor as my pea-brain is unable to help him.

Last night was the worst. For several days I had removed pot from his room It is out on his desk. I don't like to infiltrate his private space but how is he supposed to learn whilst stoned? I had given him the ultimatum before-hand that if I found pot during the week that I would not be helping him to replace his broken phone.

I was angry and also said that I felt if he could not respect rules then why should he have the privilege of going on a school trip.

Anyway there was a whole lot of emotional manipulation going on from his side probably as-well as mine. He was in tears and eluded to the fact that he was without friends save the few that my husband really has some issues with.

I feel we are in a big mess, I don't feel i am helping my son. I've tried to let him know I love him no matter what. As a parent I can't watch his life go up in a puff of smoke. It's really hard to reach him, the times we bond are over music which I try to keep going. I'm really worried that they will cut his extra curricular soccer at school due to his grades, when physical activity is so important to keep him going.

My husband has emailed someone we know who is a child psychologist to see if she has any suggestions. I am going to ring my GP today to get his stance.

I am also paranoid and really worried that he is keeping quiet because of witnessing my own mental health issues. It has been difficult for him with a mother who is not reliable. And am wondering whether his so-called friends have eluded to me being nuts. But this is not about me it is about my son who I am losing more and more.

Pls tell me where I am going wrong, suggestions on what I could do better.
I know it's long but couldn't figure out a short version.