I haven't SI-ed in a while, and even though I'm in an acceptable place right now, I can't stop thinking about it. Not really urges, but more like a constant dull longing/ craving. I think it's the addiction aspect. (*trigger*) I can't stop thinking about how good it would feel... just a great release. It's driving me insane.

Is it possible to cut in "moderation"... like mild cuts when I really feel like SI. Just the occasional cut when I'm really stressed without feeling bad about it? I guess I'm wondering if it's possible to turn SI into a controllable habit. I really really want it to be.

I think the only thing stopping me now is fear of guilt. The last time I SI-ed I didn't really feel anything afterwards, but I think I've come a long way since then. But my mind still won't shut up about it.

Thanks for reading.

- AJ