No, you don't need to be punished for being you. You need to celebrate who you are. You have problems but you are not your problems. You are a beautiful creature born to this earth for a reason. So please do not harm yourself. Maybe you could write a letter to your T and let her know that you are angry and why. Maybe if she saw it on paper she will here you.

Keep coming here, also, to let out your feelings. It's a great place to vent. Stay safe.