I don't know where to put this, so I hope this is the right place.

some of you might have stumbled across my introduction post, and if so I Apoligize.

me being here, is it a cry for help?

I don't know, because I am scared of asking for help.
example (true): one day I had chest pains. I ignored it because I figured it was a respertory bug.
day 2, pains were constant, and worse. again I ignored it.
day 3 I get up from a nap, and this time there was no ignoring it. spent the next 6 hours trying to decide if I should go to the ER or not.
see folks, that last bit is exactly what I am afraid of.

on the one hand, I am scared that "if I went and it was not serious" there is that wasted time, those accusing looks, not to mention the fat bill I would get in the mail that I cannot pay.

in the other hand I am scared that if I go "there might really be something serious" as there was that time. I had had my first heart attack. I got 3 stints, and a big fat bill I am now in default on because I have no way to pay it.

so this is my delimma I am scared to ask for help because what if ......

so that is why I am here. I was in a really dark place yesterday, and not much better today tho I do seem to have stabilized but if I should end up there again, I am afraid of calling for the MCU because what if there is nothing wrong, then again what if there really is something wrong?

flip that coin, there is no heads or tails. only only this hyper scared feeling, wondering if I have anxiety, fear, or phobia?

(I do hope it is not phobia, as I am already scared enough of asking for help.......)