I've been there, feeling extremely hopeless. One important thing to think about is how hard it is to kill yourself. If your attempt fails, you could end up in even worse unimaginable pain or even paralyzed. You might lose control of your body and your family members (or close friends) may become depressed about it. Do you have social anxiety? I have social anxiety and some of what you're saying is how I feel around people. You may feel like a black hole, but you can get through this. Just know that you are not alone and you should accept help from others. It does get better, I had to wait 10 years to accept that it is getting better. Sometimes you can be blind to the goodness in your life.