Many hugs to you (((themonster))), I am really sorry you had a bad night last night. You've made so many positive steps forward already, good for you! I think maybe just give it a little more time to let yourself recognize that it is actually getting better. Keep getting out an socializing and being around people who understand and accept you. That's awesome you had the guts to tell that many people. I was having a rough night last night too but then I remembered something you told me "just go to bed". at night things always get the darkest and from now on when things get dark for me I will remember to just go to bed because things always look brighter in the morning.