If you have her email address and are welcome to write her, sometime writing the truth is easier than saying it in the recipient's presence. I have a huge hard time with this and writing has always helped me communicate more effectively. You should tell someone even if you can't bring yourself to tell your T yet. Maybe even practice in your head or in the mirror perhaps. What's the worst that could happen if you tell your T or someone else? What's the worst that could happen if you do not? The risks far outweigh the potential adversities or discomfort. Sometimes I have expected, and really just hoped, that others could just read my mind or "know me" well enough to recognize when I am in danger and need help, but it ain't happened yet and I wouldn't hold my breath. Try being honest, I did NOT think it would work out as well as it has for my own life. It is like changing a habit. We lie to hide the truth because of fear. But the lies of course do no good in an overwhelming majority of cases. Instead of dishonesty as a defense, I'm trying to train myself to stop "automatic" lie responses, although this has been a long and diligent process I am at least aware of it now and have reduced it. Maybe your doctor will be able to help you, or someone else who cares about you. We do