it sounds like you have self esteem issues you are dealing with that are making you feel unworthy and unhappy with your current life situation. can you think of some hobbies or even going back to school to train for another job that would make you feel better about yourself in general? even feeling better about the contributions you do make would be a start. people charge a lot for the services you are contributing so don't sell yourself short. when you do good, you feel good so start doing things that you feel good about so that you can raise that self esteem. take care.